It must be love

Troy bought me a pressure washer today! I spent hours outside with it, cleaning everything that wasn't alive. Some of the shrubbery got a little cleaner as well. The porch looks great, the siding is better than its ever been, and the sidewalk is sparkling. What a husband! I've wanted a pressure washer for several years, and now I have my very own.

I started working on some stained glass yesterday. I was thinking about knitting an afghan, but I have too many unfinished projects out there to go buy yarn. I set a table up in the basement by the windows looking outside to the driveway. That way, open windows allow all the yucky lead fumes to go out and Henry can be tied up and still see me. I'm working on a turtle. Its lots more fun than grad school work.

Speaking of stained glass, I had an interesting conversation with my sister today that bothered me a lot. She was talking about learning to do stained glass with her roommate. I got very upset, although I tried not to let her know. I was jealous enough over the crocheting. You see, I thought of myself as a failure at so many things when I was younger. My sister always seemed to be so self-assured, so adept at school, and so emotionally well-rounded. Then I learned to crochet, knit, quilt, and do stained glass. Crafting has been my niche for the last fifteen years or so, something I do and excel at. I could create amazing things that people loved to hang up and gush over. I really loved the gushing. Now, my sister is a great gusher, and she has more of my stuff than most people do. She actually has a more varied collection of my "artifacts" than anyone- stained glass, quilts, etc. But if my sister learns to do stained glass, then I am losing my niche. I don't want to lose the attention I get for my crafting. (Just to note- my sister actually didn't know when she started crocheting that I knew how to. I've been crocheting since I was about ten, but she some how missed that fact as we were growing up.)

Now, I see my sister twice a year. She lives HOURS away, we don't share friends, and our lives are completely different. Why am I so bothered that my sister might do stained glass? Why is she still a yardstick by which I measure my achievement? Its similar to the feeling I have around teenagers. I'm married, I have a job, and a successful life. I have been socially validated. But popular teenagers make me feel about four inches tall.

This is a long ramble, I know. I just need to figure out what I'm doing with regard to my sister. How can someone I never see have such a pull on my life?

Teresa- sorry to ramble about you. Its just what's been on my mind most of the day. I love you- I really do!